{"id":1808,"date":"2022-09-15T20:08:19","date_gmt":"2022-09-16T03:08:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rhonaberens.com\/dev\/?p=1808"},"modified":"2022-09-15T21:11:58","modified_gmt":"2022-09-16T04:11:58","slug":"why-your-relationship-might-be-hurting-your-kids-and-what-to-do-about-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rhonaberens.com\/dev\/posts\/why-your-relationship-might-be-hurting-your-kids-and-what-to-do-about-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Why your relationship might be hurting your kids and what to do about it"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThe best thing a society can do for itself is to promote and support healthy couples, and the best thing partners can do for themselves, for their children, and for society is to have a healthy relationship.\u201d\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tHarville Hendrix, Getting the Love You Want<\/cite>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/i>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tTweet<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/blockquote>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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While many of us once dreamed of having a family with our partners, once we had our children, we\u2019ve spent so much time dealing with their needs, work demands, and day-to-day life, that we have had little or nothing left over; our relationships became secondary, even dispensable. For many parents, romantic relationships aren\u2019t all that \u201cromantic\u201d anymore.<\/p>

All of that said, research shows that, on average, parents with better quality relationships have better-adjusted kids. The poorer the quality of our relationships, the more negative the developmental outcomes for our children across a range of variables including physical health, academic success, and psychological and social outcomes. Compellingly, this holds true across race, ethnicity, and socioeconomics.*<\/p>

How can we find time to cultivate a satisfying relationship when we barely have time to parent our kids?<\/p>

By doing both at once or more precisely letting one outcome\u2014good parenting, however, we define good parenting\u2014follow from another: relationship fulfillment.<\/p>

This sounds counter-intuitive in a culture where parenting is paramount. We hear that good parenting leads to healthy kids, bad parenting to developmental challenges. I\u2019m over-simplifying, given that we\u2019re encouraged, and rightfully so, to address \u201cthe biggies\u201d first: risk factors like poor nutrition, homelessness, and physical and verbal abuse. But after we tackle those, we need only notice the vast number of parenting books, parenting experts, and parenting advice to determine where to focus our limited time and energy: on parenting, not<\/em> relationships.<\/p>

I think the importance of our relationship happiness to our kids\u2019 well-being is possibly our culture\u2019s best-kept secret.<\/p>

I\u2019ll never forget a comment made by Dr. Stephanie Coontz, Director of Public Education at the Council on Contemporary Families, at a ParentMap Conference in Seattle years ago. I was there to speak about the importance of expecting couples preparing their relationships for a baby. Coontz was there to give the keynote address. Here\u2019s one of the things she said:<\/p>

\u201cResearch shows that couples that attend a relationship class together report a more positive impact on their parenting than those who attend a parenting class together.\u201d^<\/p>

Mike drop.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>

The more parents cultivate relationship satisfaction with their partners, the greater the positive developmental impact on their kids. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

I don\u2019t believe you have to be in a relationship to support your children\u2019s health, or<\/em> that all relationships are worth saving, or<\/em> that all parents treat their relationships with spouses as secondary to parenting.<\/p>

I do believe, however, that for most parents raising kids with a partner, improving your relationship with each other improves your parenting. So how can you start?<\/p>

Here are 3 quick tips that I offer the parents that I coach:<\/p>